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Talk Is Cheap

It is Mothers' Day today and I observed the complex that I work in was busy and bustling with families, all out to celebrate the occasion with the mothers. I called my mom this morning to wish her a Happy Mother's Day... I would have planned something for her today but my younger brother who is back for a holiday from the US is not in town today so we made arrangements to have dinner together tomorrow. I'm hardly the best son but I do try my best for my mom.

We constantly tell all those whom we care about how much we care for them and how much we love them... but do we ever show it? Do we have to have a reason to call someone we love? My mom calls me quite frequently and if I fail to hear from her for two days, I would call her... and when I do, she would ask me why I call... and my answer as always will be... I'm your son... do I have to have a reason? Sometimes it does slip my mind too but I will always call when I remember. Too bad my mom still doesn't know how to SMS despite all the attempts to teach her... otherwise I will be bugging her with SMSes too.

I love my mom... a lot... and there is only one other person on the face of this earth whom I love as much and maybe even more... my sweetheart Ayue. 

In April, I did something bad... I lost my cool and actually raised my voice at my mom... first time ever in my 40 years of existence. It happened while I was driving and she was in the car with me. As soon as I did it, I realised what an ass I was... tears emerged in my eyes... I soon parked the car, did my errand quickly and before I got back in the car, I went to the backseat and hugged my mom and apologized for being such an ass... crying as I did so. My mom was cool... she just said... It's ok... don't be so sensitive.

We children are generally an ungrateful bunch... we never appreciate our parents... and even if we do, most of us just say that we do... our parents make all kinds of sacrifices for us but are we willing to do the same?

TALK IS CHEAP... ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS...

People find it hard to believe when they find out that I take my mom to the movies... sometimes alone, sometimes with Ayue... I do...

My love for my mom was not always as strong as it is now. As I was growing up, I hated my parents... no kidding... I hated them... I am the second of 3 siblings... my elder brother has always been my mom's favorite and my younger brother has always been my late father's favorite. I... was the dark, f-ugly and quiet one... and I felt that I was always bullied.

When I reached my late twenties... I realized that the upbringing my parents provided me, though hard as hell... made me what I am today. Everything that I have to be proud of I have them to thank.

My mom calls me frequently as I am the only one who still resides here in Malaysia. Sometimes she calls me when I am in meetings... and I can't take her call but I ALWAYS call her back. Unlike my elder brother...

I have never scolded my mom for asking me for money. I do question her sometimes (politely) on what she needs it for and such but never ever scolded her... unlike my siblings.

My mom knows that she can always call me... I make sure of that... she once asked me... Am I annoying by calling you so frequently? And I said... NO... not at all... if you don't call me, who are you going to call? Ghostbusters? :)

Don't just tell the people that you love that you love them... show them... a simple phone call can do wonders... a simple meal or drink would bring tears... there are many ways of showing your love... don't just say it. This applies to everyone whom we love dearly... not just our parents.

But for our parents... they should be at the top of the pedestal... second only to God Almighty.

I have always believed in karma... and trust me, it exists... and I am speaking through first hand experience... I paid... in cash... and I am still paying.

That is why I try very, very hard to make sure that whatever that I do for my parents is the BEST that I can do... I am extremely fearful of having ungrateful children.

And since it is Mothers' Day today... do something special for your mom. Show her your love... not just say it... anyone can say it... talk is cheap... actions speak louder than words... show her your heart... and when you're done... show the others that you love your love too.

Gut Feelings...

We all have gut feelings... that inner voice in you calling out and telling you something.

Mine is strong... especially when something is about to go wrong... and very rarely have my gut feeling been wrong. In many instances I actually thought it was nothing but only to find out much later on that I was not wrong after all.

Often, I know exactly what my gut feeling is... that's when I warn or do something about it... and that's why a lot of people I know say I am 'mulut masin'.

I can't control this feeling, it just comes as it likes. I got this feeling again last night. Just suddenly... out of nowhere... and it made me feel real shitty and I still feel shitty... that's why I am here all alone at the Daily Kopitiam in Fahrenheit88 having ciggies, coffee and blogging... trying very hard to figure out what the fuck that voice in me is trying to say.

My sayang says I'm conjuring up silly thoughts in my head... but I'm not... it's not coming from my head but rather from my heart. The last time I had such a strong feeling like this was about 5 weeks ago and that took me on an emotional rollercoaster ride which cost me 10 kilos and almost, just almost... my sanity.

Why? Why am I feeling this way? Oh, God... I wish I am wrong. I wish it is just me missing my sayang dearly. God help me please... I am very close to losing my sanity as it is.

My Circ...

Circ is short for circumcision.

I had my circ on the 14th of April 2011. Initially, I had wanted to do it at a private hospital so I went there for a consultation with a specialist... the cost, RM1500.00 onwards. The specialist then recommended that I do it at private clinic and he wrote me a recommendation letter. A specialist made the recommendation so I never second-guessed it.

So off I went and I called the clinic to make an appointment. The clinic is a Klinik Dr. Hamid... on Jalan Ipoh. I was accompanied by my beloved Ayue. When I went in I was surprised as the doctor was not Dr. Hamid... instead he was a senior citizen... in his late 50s I would presume... or in his early 60s... dragging his feet when he walked. We do the small chit-chat and then get on to business.

First... anesthetics... a single large syringe and four jabs to your scrotum area... bloody painful! He lets me rest for about 5 minutes then comes back with a pair of tweezers and starts clipping my foreskin with the tweezers... can you feel that?, he asked. No, I replied. Then he releases and clips elsewhere and asks again... can you feel that? Yes, I can, I replied. Nolah, cannot be... he said. And before I could think or respond he scoots me off to start.

I'm lying on the bed waiting as he and his nurse prepared. I attempted to look but was told not to. Then it started... the snipping.. and I felt it... I winched and groaned in pain but this doctor just refused to believe me... every snip... if it was a clean snip, never mind but no, a little more here and a little more there... to the point I had to say something... not too much, I said... oh, don't worry we'll do it just right... every poke of the needle and every pull of the thread, I felt... it was excruciating.

Then it was all over and they bandaged me up and sent me off... giving me my medication and some simple instructions... or so it seemed. Come back in two or three days so I can check, just in case or if you don't want to then you can remove the bandage yourself. Don't let the bandage get wet. When I got home I was COMPLETELY numb down there... it was as though I had nothing down there... then my thoughts were confirmed... the anesthetics did not have time to do its magic properly. What an idiot?!!! :(

The cost... RM250.00.

So, on Saturday night I tried to remove the bandage... OMFG!!! It hurt like hell and it started to bleed. I stopped immediately and bandaged it again. Alas they do not open on Sundays so I had to wait till Monday... it's Monday today and I went. When I got there the nurse recognized me and said... Oh, back to see the doc... everything ok? No, I replied... it started bleeding when I tried to remove the bandage. Did you wet it, she asked? Ummm... No... I replied. She nonchalantly replied... you should have wet it... take a shower and just let it get wet then remove it. I was cursing inside.. now you tell me... great. Thank you very much.

Then in I went and they changed the bandage for me... did they wet it? No... and it really stung. Tiu... The doctor said it looked good and clean so he applied some cream and mummified my little brother again. 

It was a rather horrifying experience for me... and thankfully, its a once in a lifetime experience. Will I recommend this clinic to anyone? Hell, NO!

Lessons learnt...

Even when a specialist refers someone, do a background check.

You get what you pay for.

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart

 

I can think of younger days when living for my life

Was everything a man could want to do

I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

How can you stop the sun from shining?

What makes the world go round?

How can you mend a this broken man?

How can a loser ever win?

Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees

And misty memories of days gone by

We could never see tomorrow, no one said a word about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?

How can you stop the rain from falling down?

How can you stop the sun from shining?

What makes the world go round?

How can you mend this broken man?

How can a loser ever win?

Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again