Friday 29 April 2011

Gut Feelings...

We all have gut feelings... that inner voice in you calling out and telling you something.

Mine is strong... especially when something is about to go wrong... and very rarely have my gut feeling been wrong. In many instances I actually thought it was nothing but only to find out much later on that I was not wrong after all.

Often, I know exactly what my gut feeling is... that's when I warn or do something about it... and that's why a lot of people I know say I am 'mulut masin'.

I can't control this feeling, it just comes as it likes. I got this feeling again last night. Just suddenly... out of nowhere... and it made me feel real shitty and I still feel shitty... that's why I am here all alone at the Daily Kopitiam in Fahrenheit88 having ciggies, coffee and blogging... trying very hard to figure out what the fuck that voice in me is trying to say.

My sayang says I'm conjuring up silly thoughts in my head... but I'm not... it's not coming from my head but rather from my heart. The last time I had such a strong feeling like this was about 5 weeks ago and that took me on an emotional rollercoaster ride which cost me 10 kilos and almost, just almost... my sanity.

Why? Why am I feeling this way? Oh, God... I wish I am wrong. I wish it is just me missing my sayang dearly. God help me please... I am very close to losing my sanity as it is.

Monday 18 April 2011

My Circ...

Circ is short for circumcision.

I had my circ on the 14th of April 2011. Initially, I had wanted to do it at a private hospital so I went there for a consultation with a specialist... the cost, RM1500.00 onwards. The specialist then recommended that I do it at private clinic and he wrote me a recommendation letter. A specialist made the recommendation so I never second-guessed it.

So off I went and I called the clinic to make an appointment. The clinic is a Klinik Dr. Hamid... on Jalan Ipoh. I was accompanied by my beloved Ayue. When I went in I was surprised as the doctor was not Dr. Hamid... instead he was a senior citizen... in his late 50s I would presume... or in his early 60s... dragging his feet when he walked. We do the small chit-chat and then get on to business.

First... anesthetics... a single large syringe and four jabs to your scrotum area... bloody painful! He lets me rest for about 5 minutes then comes back with a pair of tweezers and starts clipping my foreskin with the tweezers... can you feel that?, he asked. No, I replied. Then he releases and clips elsewhere and asks again... can you feel that? Yes, I can, I replied. Nolah, cannot be... he said. And before I could think or respond he scoots me off to start.

I'm lying on the bed waiting as he and his nurse prepared. I attempted to look but was told not to. Then it started... the snipping.. and I felt it... I winched and groaned in pain but this doctor just refused to believe me... every snip... if it was a clean snip, never mind but no, a little more here and a little more there... to the point I had to say something... not too much, I said... oh, don't worry we'll do it just right... every poke of the needle and every pull of the thread, I felt... it was excruciating.

Then it was all over and they bandaged me up and sent me off... giving me my medication and some simple instructions... or so it seemed. Come back in two or three days so I can check, just in case or if you don't want to then you can remove the bandage yourself. Don't let the bandage get wet. When I got home I was COMPLETELY numb down there... it was as though I had nothing down there... then my thoughts were confirmed... the anesthetics did not have time to do its magic properly. What an idiot?!!! :(

The cost... RM250.00.

So, on Saturday night I tried to remove the bandage... OMFG!!! It hurt like hell and it started to bleed. I stopped immediately and bandaged it again. Alas they do not open on Sundays so I had to wait till Monday... it's Monday today and I went. When I got there the nurse recognized me and said... Oh, back to see the doc... everything ok? No, I replied... it started bleeding when I tried to remove the bandage. Did you wet it, she asked? Ummm... No... I replied. She nonchalantly replied... you should have wet it... take a shower and just let it get wet then remove it. I was cursing inside.. now you tell me... great. Thank you very much.

Then in I went and they changed the bandage for me... did they wet it? No... and it really stung. Tiu... The doctor said it looked good and clean so he applied some cream and mummified my little brother again. 

It was a rather horrifying experience for me... and thankfully, its a once in a lifetime experience. Will I recommend this clinic to anyone? Hell, NO!

Lessons learnt...

Even when a specialist refers someone, do a background check.
You get what you pay for.

Sunday 10 April 2011

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart

 


I can think of younger days when living for my life
Was everything a man could want to do
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend a this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again

I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees
And misty memories of days gone by
We could never see tomorrow, no one said a word about the sorrow

And how can you mend a broken heart?
How can you stop the rain from falling down?
How can you stop the sun from shining?
What makes the world go round?
How can you mend this broken man?
How can a loser ever win?
Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again